Tuesday, December 09, 2008
Where The Hell Have You Been?
I know many of you have had this same question on your mind. Well, I was...around. OK, I really don't have much of an excuse for falling off the Blog Wagon, as it were, but I'm back now. So let's try to continue on as if nothing has happened.
Dayone hundred fourteen seven(b). After leaving the Bureau Of Engraving, we ventured forth into a realm of existence that can only be described as "nirvana" (not the band, some other one...loads). I'm speaking of Pendery's World of Chiles & Spices, a paradise of pleasure, a bountiful bastion of bliss, a humble hunk of heaven, a....well, you get the idea. Pendery's is located on eighth avenue in Fort Worth, not exactly the downtown business district, but sometimes you gotta make a trek for taste, a peregrination for piquancy, a...OH OK! I'll stop with the alliteration already!.
At first I was a bit apprehensive upon seeing the business was actually run out of an old converted duplex house. Upon entering, all my solicitude disappeared into the wafting aroma of spice. While it was only seven small rooms, every one was packed to the gills with multitudinous varieties of chilies both dried and ground. There were jalapeno, habanero, serrano, even dried sweet green pepper. There were hundreds of varieties I'd never heard of, each packaged either whole or ground in a vacuum sealed pouch. If you care anything at all about spicy food, you owe it to yourself to visit the web site and download a copy of the catalog in PDF form. You will find books and recipes as well as the obligatory hot sauces in a hundred flavors. Pendery's isn't just about chilies, they have a variety of other foods such as jellys, candies, and nuts. Hell, they even have decorator items and kitchen utensils.
Finally we decided which of the several thousand items we would choose to take home with us. Not an easy decision by any means. In my mind, I kept wanting to say "I'll have one of each, my good man.", but I knew that wasn't possible. After gathering our purchases we headed back to the motor home, which I had so carefully parked long ways tacking up several parking spaces so as to not be blocked in. As our motor mansion came into view I uttered a rash of expletives that would have made any sailor proud. Parked not 10ft. from the front of our bus was an automobile. "I'm gonna do it." I said to LeAnna, "I'm gonna ventilate his side walls." You want to piss me off to no end? Park your car in front of me after my taking pains to park out of the way. You see, the thing about a motor home pulling a car on a tow bar is that you can't back it up. I'm sure at this point LeAnna was saying something rational, but I couldn't hear what it was. I shifted our bags to one hand and began reaching for my knife with the other.
That's the moment that time began to slow, kinda like it does in those horror movies. There I was, inching closer and closer, the camera following me from behind as I fumble for my knife. Just as I reach the rear bumper of the car I notice two things. One, the car had some sort of official markings on the door. And secondly, was that there was a head, lying on the seat. No, not like that...it wasn't exactly lying on the seat, it was more like resting against the head rest. Yep, it was a security guard...sleeping. Now I was really pissed. Not only was there someone parked in front of me, but I wasn't even going to get to slash his tires.
As I approached his window I was thinking to myself "WWBD?". DAMN RIGHT!! He'd get that bullet out and show this guy who's boss. I judiciously decide that the more prudent thing to do would be to justscare the shit outta him tap on the glass and get him to move. *sigh*
ME: "Uh, sir...would you mind moving for me so I can get out?"
HIM: "What? Oh sure...no problem *cough cough* pussy *cough*."
In my mind I'm giving this guy the famous Fife karate chop...yep, muh whole body's a weapon.
(On a side note here, I looked for over 20 minutes for an image of Barney Fife doing his Karate chop and couldn't find anything. If you have this or a link to it, please let me know.)
So we throw our stuff in the house and motor out of Ft. Worth towards our stay-over at the Flying J in Waco, TX.
When we catchup with each other again, (hopefully soon), I'll tell you about my first visit to the doctor - in my life...honest!
Y'all come back now, ya hear?
Day
At first I was a bit apprehensive upon seeing the business was actually run out of an old converted duplex house. Upon entering, all my solicitude disappeared into the wafting aroma of spice. While it was only seven small rooms, every one was packed to the gills with multitudinous varieties of chilies both dried and ground. There were jalapeno, habanero, serrano, even dried sweet green pepper. There were hundreds of varieties I'd never heard of, each packaged either whole or ground in a vacuum sealed pouch. If you care anything at all about spicy food, you owe it to yourself to visit the web site and download a copy of the catalog in PDF form. You will find books and recipes as well as the obligatory hot sauces in a hundred flavors. Pendery's isn't just about chilies, they have a variety of other foods such as jellys, candies, and nuts. Hell, they even have decorator items and kitchen utensils.
Finally we decided which of the several thousand items we would choose to take home with us. Not an easy decision by any means. In my mind, I kept wanting to say "I'll have one of each, my good man.", but I knew that wasn't possible. After gathering our purchases we headed back to the motor home, which I had so carefully parked long ways tacking up several parking spaces so as to not be blocked in. As our motor mansion came into view I uttered a rash of expletives that would have made any sailor proud. Parked not 10ft. from the front of our bus was an automobile. "I'm gonna do it." I said to LeAnna, "I'm gonna ventilate his side walls." You want to piss me off to no end? Park your car in front of me after my taking pains to park out of the way. You see, the thing about a motor home pulling a car on a tow bar is that you can't back it up. I'm sure at this point LeAnna was saying something rational, but I couldn't hear what it was. I shifted our bags to one hand and began reaching for my knife with the other.
That's the moment that time began to slow, kinda like it does in those horror movies. There I was, inching closer and closer, the camera following me from behind as I fumble for my knife. Just as I reach the rear bumper of the car I notice two things. One, the car had some sort of official markings on the door. And secondly, was that there was a head, lying on the seat. No, not like that...it wasn't exactly lying on the seat, it was more like resting against the head rest. Yep, it was a security guard...sleeping. Now I was really pissed. Not only was there someone parked in front of me, but I wasn't even going to get to slash his tires.
As I approached his window I was thinking to myself "WWBD?". DAMN RIGHT!! He'd get that bullet out and show this guy who's boss. I judiciously decide that the more prudent thing to do would be to just
ME: "Uh, sir...would you mind moving for me so I can get out?"
HIM: "What? Oh sure...no problem *cough cough* pussy *cough*."
In my mind I'm giving this guy the famous Fife karate chop...yep, muh whole body's a weapon.
(On a side note here, I looked for over 20 minutes for an image of Barney Fife doing his Karate chop and couldn't find anything. If you have this or a link to it, please let me know.)
So we throw our stuff in the house and motor out of Ft. Worth towards our stay-over at the Flying J in Waco, TX.
When we catchup with each other again, (hopefully soon), I'll tell you about my first visit to the doctor - in my life...honest!
Y'all come back now, ya hear?
