Wednesday, November 19, 2008

 

A Day With The Bureau

No, not that bureau...this one. Yeah, I know...when I mentioned the "bureau" last time, you were probably thinking of this...and this, but it was nothing of the kind (thank God). Nope, we were scheduled to visit one of the only two places in the country to print our paper currency. I had always wanted to visit the B of E and our route was going to take us right through Ft. Worthless, so why not? Besides, the admission fell right into the parameters...IT WAS FREE!!

There were a few catches though. We had to arrive 30 minutes before the tour to "clear security". No problem. We arrived in plenty of time and parked out in the bus lot so we were nice and level with plenty of room. As we milled around inside the coach, readying for our final approach, I heard a recorded announcement telling us "The Bureau of Engraving and Printing is a secured facility. All visitors, including children, are subject to a security screening prior to entering the Tour and Visitor Center. Cell phones or any electronic equipment, back packs, cameras, weapons, food, and drinks are prohibited." We couldn't bring any weapons into the facility? DAMN! I unholstered the 9mm and put it back in the lockbox. Just kidding, I never wear a holster, I just stick it in my waistband. But what really pissed me off was the fact that they allowed children. I contemplated trying to get the pistol in anyway, just in case.

In the end LeAnna talks me down wiser heads prevail and we leave the coach devoid of any unauthorized contraband. We enter the tour bus pickup area and immediately I see that although this is a tourist attraction, there's no doubt it's a Federal facility. Something about the two armed beefy guys, just a hunch. (Well, they looked big to me.) We pass through a metal detector and are directed over to a holding area to await the bus. Everyone was standing in a group, the cops staring a hole through ya. Even though there's air conditioning, yer sweatin' bullets... a silly voice pops into your head and starts yelling "RUN!! They're on to you!!", even though you haven't done anything. Well, I haven't! Really! That thing with the scissors was expunged from my record years ago.

So...we get on the bus and take a short ride to the main building. After checking in, we are directed to a small auditorium to watch a short movie about buses money. After the film we gather in the foyer and wait for our guide. She greets us and tells everyone that we have to stay together as a group, there will be a head count, and this is the last chance for a bathroom break for the duration of the tour. Guess where LeAnna went?

We got under way with a head count as we passed through the door. For a second I contemplate asking for the time or discussing the route numbers we had taken to get there, but I really didn't want to get kicked off the tour before it even started. It was pretty cool...for about the first five minutes, then it was like I was in Charlie Brown's classroom and she was the teacher. I got wrapped up in looking at the equipment and what they were actually doing. The talking was quickly fading into background noise.

A lot of what was going on in the plant was shielded from prying eyes be green tarps. The guide explained that they were working on the new $100 bill and it was still hush-hush. I wonder if they had some inside info about the election outcome? hmmm. Most of the other rooms were vacant. Not much was going on. It was a week day and it wasn't lunch time. Man, did I choose the wrong career! About the only time we saw anything going on was when some machines were running or when we saw a robot stacking the cash bricks onto a pallet. Boy, If I could get my hands on just one of those bricks...yeah, I know...I'd go to prison. But I can dream, can't I?

We finished the tour and were left to browse the displays in the lobby. I think I learned as much or more in the lobby as I did on the tour. Then it was our turn to head into the breach. By this I mean the dreaded gift shop. Oh there were the expected tchochkes...key chains, funny money and the like, but what really caught my eye were these. The sheets came in ones, twos, fives, tens, what ever denomination you wanted. The even cooler thing was, since money is printed in a sheet of 32 bills (and you thought you'd never learn anything here!), you could get any sort of block you wanted. I was thinking "Hey, how much could sixteen one dollar bills go for?" I mean I was actually saving them the work of cutting them apart, right?

Wrong. Turns out that a 16 block was $33.00. Hmmm...I'm no mathematician, but I'm sure that was more than I wanted to pay. So, basing the value of an uncut dollar at just over two bucks, I thought I could probably swing a four block set. Wrong again. Turns out a sheet of four ones was valued at nearly $4 each. WTF? Wasn't this the same money I'd be using to buy the money with? How could their money be worth more than my money? After all, they printed my bills here too. *sigh* Somehow the thought of framing four ones scotch-taped together really didn't give you that same feeling of "uniquity".(A "Bush-ism" just for this blog...my gift to you.)

Leaving the Bureau gift shop empty-handed, we head for the bus. A short ride back to the land of not-as-plenty later, we are walking towards our coach to the droning merry tune of the recorded announcement. But the day was not over! We were just a scant twenty minutes away from Nirvana...not the band the other thing.

And I'll tell you all about it mahn-yahn-ah...or there abouts...

Cheerio!

Saturday, November 08, 2008

 

Oklahoma Is OK With Me....sorta

OK. It's day six and...what? Where is the "Years supply" I promised you, just for showing up for this chapter? *sigh* Alright,maybe I did say something like that, so here. Hey, I didn't say what it would be a years supply of. I'm sure that's more than even our new President can sling in his first ninety days.
(I hope.)

Alright....settle down....let's get back to the lie story at hand.

When last we left our intrepid couple, they had just finished the pizza to end all pizzas and bedded down for a comfy night in the local W-M.

So, it's day six and we have on the agenda a visit to the Oklahoma City National Memorial. This is the memorial park that is dedicated to everyone lost or otherwise affected by the bombing of the Federal Building. I have to say, it was a very sobering thing. When you walk through the site and get a feel for the enormity...
There is a lawn full of these small markers with people's names indicating where they were in the building when the bomb went off.



We spent an hour or so there. Since we had to park on the street,(at two parking meters, no less), we had to get back. Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that when we were parking, we overheated and blew out a bunch of coolant on the street.



Seems that the wires for the electric cooling fans had come unplugged. Yep...nothing like having to water yer horse before you can hit the trail. Fortunately, we had a tank full of H2O, so it was just a matter of hauling it from sink to radiator. While we're on the subject of fun things that happened, let's jump back a bit to another laugh we had earlier in the day. On the way to the monument, we got lost decided to tour the city. It was during this tour that I thought I would test the integrity of the city's storm drain grates. They may be able to fool their city inspectors, but not me. I knew there would be a loose fitting grate and I found it! Not only did I find it, but at the same time I demonstrated just how dangerous something like this could be by popping it up out of its frame and slamming it with my steps. I guess I showed them.

We stayed at a truck stop just outside Oklahoma City that night and spent the evening seeing how many times we could hop in and out of the coach not using the stairs. (No honey, the steps are fine....really! I just think we could use the exercise.)

Day seven dawns...and sometime later, we arise as well. I know we are going to another one of those shrines to outdoor activities today and am rearing to get going. I'm talking about....that's right....Outdoor World! No, wait...Pro Bass Shops! I know many of you are saying "But Mark, you just went to Cabela's). Pish-Posh Cabela's-Schmabela's. PBS (The store, not the television thingy)has it all over Cabela's. It's much larger, has way more stuff, and they carry these. Man, we want one of these so bad we can taste it. OK......let's forget about that tasting thing....but we do want one. Think about it, cruising out in comfort to those rock areas less hunted, in seats! AND it has a bed on the back (the truck kind, not the sleeping kind) to haul all our junk. But I digress. Who was it that said digression is the better part of...wait, maybe that was something else..

Anyway, on with the show.

We wander through the acreage of PBS for what seems like days. Twice I have to go outside to change shirts due to drooling. And this just from LeAnna. Making a mental list of all that has become important to me, I try to figure a way to talk LeAnna into working 4 jobs. Maybe if I temper it by saying she wouldn't have to work overtime... :-/ ...Yeah....probably not.

After a cold shower and a fresh change of clothes, we head to Flying J for the night. The thing is that it's about 100 miles away...with nothing planned between here and there. I contemplate a rendition of "99 bottles of beer on the wall", then remember the court order about my singing and decide not to chance it. We were cruising down the highway admiring the scenery, when we come upon a sign touting one of THE most desirable roadside attractions of this or any other generation. I'm talking about none other than The Toy And Action Figure Museum. OMG!! We had to go. A short detour to Paul's Valley, OK and we were there.

There were action figures of every description. Some I'd never heard of. There was a Batman room, a Superman room, a Spiderman room, and on and on. There were G.I. Joe displays that brought back childhood memories. Everywhere you looked, Star Trek (old and new), Star Wars, and Barbie, who I never considered an action figure...(unless you were G.I. Joe). I even saw a Charles Dickens, Edgar Allen Poe and a Sigmund Freud action figure...go figure (see what I did there? Freud was a psych...oh never mind!). There were plenty of movie props and miniatures as well as comic book original art. And no, it wasn't free, but the guy did give us a 30% discount. Probably felt sorry for me....having to drag my 'ol lady in with me.

We spent the better part of an hour and a half there, but finally he wanted to close and we still had to get to our 18 wheeler paradise. So back on to the highway and on down the road.

When we all meet again, I'll tell ya how we came to be the guests of the Fed's for an afternoon.

Until then...guten tog

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