Road Trippin'

Man, I used to watch that show all the time. Even weirder, I had a red Gran Torino as a kid, although it was a '73, not a '75...and mine was a fastback. I know, it's kinda like that joke about having a shirt just like that one, only mine was short sleeve...and blue...and (well you know the rest).

Well, enough reminiscing. Day five dawned with a well rested crew departing the Hutchinson Mall parking lot. A short drive later we arrived at our much anticipated destination, the Kansas Underground Salt Museum. This was a really cool tour and one of the best things about it was It's FREE!, OK it wasn't free, but children under the age of 4 weren't allowed! So I got that going for me.

The $13.50 admission was well worth it. We happened to get there in time to get the last two spots on the morning tour. So far, my Karma was holding. Our guide, Linda, begins her talk with "If ever there was a mine tour designed for Mr. and Mrs. Armchair American, this is it." I'm liking it already. After we watch a safety film, we're given hard hats and rescue breathing apparatus's. (RESCUE BREATHING APPARATUS? What happened to the Armchair American thing?). From there we're herded in the service elevator. The 90 second ride down is a pitch-black descent, clanging, banging, and rattling inside a bare metal box that sounds at times as if it's being whacked with a sledgehammer.

The door opens and we find ourselves 650 feet below the surface. However, this is unlike any cave or cavern I've ever been in. For one thing, it's clean...and well lit...and the floors are paved! All the floors are made of a concrete and salt mixture and are so flat and smooth you could play tennis on them. (You could play tennis on them, I might manage ping pong.

We turn the corner and there I see something that is going to make this tour very doable for me.


No, not Linda...The tram. There were these golf cart-like things pulling trailers which everyone rode. Nice. LeAnna and I got in the front seat of the front cart, and I only had to push one old guy down. Just kidding, I didn't have to push him down, I just did it for fun. The mine is one, endless room, with a floor and ceiling as flat as a Kansas prairie, broken into identical squares by columns of un-mined salt that support the roof. There are no twisty tunnels or deadly floor shafts. You could drive a truck down here for miles and never hit anything. Well, not this truck.

Actually, this truck was used to ferry miners around. They stripped it and converted it to run on electric. It's over 70 years old. Linda told us that the salt preserves it, but at a price. "Everything that comes down here, stays down here." "You can never take it back up or it starts to instantly corrode." Not really like the "What happens in Vegas" thing, but you get the idea.

A company called Underground Vaults and Storage occupies part of the mine and provides storage for things like medical records, government files, even Hollywood props and costumes.



Master prints of Gone With the Wind, The Wizard of Oz, and thousands of other Hollywood films are here as well. I wonder if any parts of Hoffa are down here? Here is a link to a short video that gives you a good idea of what it was really like there.
Did I mention that this mine is the only one open to the public in the western hemisphere?

We left Hutchinson and ended up in Wichita by late afternoon. If you ever find yourself in Wichita, Kansas, you gotta do two things. One, ask yourself what the Hell you're doing there, and two, you've gotta go to this place. Three words...OH - MY - GOD! It was, arguably, the best pizza I've ever had. The flavor, the aroma, even the service was great. This isn't your fathers pizza parlor. The place is also a micro brewery, although it seemed to me they pushed the vino more than the brew. We both had 21 ozers and a pie. Since I can't say enough about it, I won't. We left well sated and headed towards our stop for the night, (say it with me) Wal-Mart.

Today went against my declaration of war on spending, but it was well worth it. We'd been doing well not too badly up until now, so we deserved it.

Anybody who shows up for the next chapter of our saga gets a years supply, absolutely free. Promise.

I bid you Adéu

When last we were together I guess I kinda led you to believe we overnighted in Aurora, Nebraska. The woman who feeds, clothes, and shelters me informed me that this was not so. After she refreshed my memory it comes to mind that we didn't stay there, owing to the fact that the truck stop had nothing but back in spaces. For those of you not in the know, when we are on the road pulling the shitbox pickup truck, we can't back up. Something about bending the towbar and destroying the pickups front end...I don't know, but anyway the fact of the matter is that we drove another 20 or so miles to the little town of York, Nebraska.

York is a virtual Metropolis, compared to Aurora. You can see from the picture that they are no mere "one horse town". Nope, they have two of them. *snicker*. Seriously though, we knew York had a larger truck stop and we hoped some of the spots would be pull-throughs...and vacant. Upon our arrival, we were pleased to see that the stop had an Iron Skillet Restaurant. What we weren't pleased to see is that the Truckers area was one of those full service types and all "head in". Again, for the "uninitiated", these truck stops have these, which are hookups for the trucker to have A/C, TV, Internet, etc.

So, we opted for a gravel lot across the street which had one other truck parked in it. "Look at it this way" I said "It'll be quieter." We went across the way and pulled in where we were pretty well level and things were looking pretty good, from a boondockers point of view. The lot backed up to a farmers field, so it was fairly private. There was only one other truck in here, so it was fairly quiet. And we hadn't eaten since the early lunch at L&C State park, so I was fairly hungry.

Rather than taking time and trouble to fix a dinner (since we were feeling lazy weak from hunger), we opted to dine at the restaurant...the one across the street. I say "across the street", but what I really mean was this.



After running this scenario through my head, I opted to drive over. We had a really huge meal. OK, maybe not that huge, but it was a lot. (Can anybody even tell what the Hell that is?) When we finally were able to get my bloated belly out the door left, I noticed the pickup seemed to be listing to port a bit. As we drew closer I had "that sinking feeling". Yep, seems that the air that was on the inside of the tire, was now on the outside of the tire. Just what you want to do after a big meal, fix a flat. And speaking of which, I had none.

So I was down to old school. We fired up the generator, plugged in a light and started feeling for the intruder. I didn't get very far before I found it; a small piece of glass. I guess we picked it up in the gravel lot "across the street". Looking at it, I didn't think it was big enough to puncture a tire...til I looked at the "tread" on the tire. You know how you kinda shove some things to the back of yer mind sometimes? I guess I kinda pushed this maybe a bit further...say to Venus! Yeah, we've had this truck going on six years now and had never put rear tires on it.

On this thin-skinned tire, that piece of glass was pretty much like Darth's light saber on Luke's hand. No, not that Luke.... this one. Well, you know. And speaking of light sabers...if we could get such a thing, you see guys doing this or this with them...you know you would. And do you think if Darth had Stormtroopers that looked like this, maybe he would have been to busy to cause trouble?

But I digress.

After pulling that "ginormous" hunk of glass out of the tire, I fell back on the only technology I had...I'm talking about that great Armenian innovation, the tire plug. If any of you have ever tried to use this "invention", and I use that term loosely, it's like trying to drive a railroad spike up a cats ass with yer bare fist. (And you are one sick puppy if you clicked that link.)I finally got the tire plugged and aired up. We opted to spend the night in the Wal-Mart parking lot so we could get a tire put on in the morning. The next morning I head for the auto center only to find that not only do they not have a tire of the size I need, the only other tire shop in town doesn't either. Now these aren't some bastard size tire. It should have been easy to get...if you're in a town of more than 4000 people.

Epic story shorter, I end up having to buy two new tires for the rear and we are finally able to get back on the road. "But Mark,that wasn't free!!" I hear you say. NO SHIT! That, my friends was a tune I call the $135 boogie. A sour little number that you can't dance to. Fortunately, all we had planned for the rest of the day was to leave the state and make our way to Hutchinson, Kansas. And we did.

We end up spending the night at the mall in Hutchinson. I was looking forward to day five of our trip, and I'll tell you why...when we meet again.

Arrivederci

Ok, when last we saw our intrepid adventurers, (before all that carpet crap), we had just settled down for a good nights rest in the parking lot of that mecca of all things outdoors, Cabelas, in Mitchell, South Dakota. I dropped a teaser on ya just as I was folding up my tent last time. You wanna know what the other major big-time attraction is in Mitchell?



Yep, just the "Worlds Only Corn Palace"! Every year since 1892, South Dakotans have gathered thousands of bushels of corn, grain, grasses, wild oats, rye, straw and wheat and instead of eating it, they decided to nail it all to the side of a building! What a concept!

So, we do the Corn Palace thing. Inside they not only have more murals, but they also have pictures of the murals that adorned this building since 1921. They also have something far more important...



That's right...a gift shop. After all, the Corn Palace admission was (say it with me) FREE! So it's only right they try to sucker entice the masses into buying a memento of their trip. I'm usually pretty memento-proof. Oh I graze the aisles casting my eyes here and there, usually with a modicum of disapproval, but on this day I was smitten. Smitten, I tell you. There I was, following LeAnna around through the hodge-podge of what-not, when suddenly she turned to me and raised her hand to display the one device that could well be described as the boon to modern corn-on-the-cob eaters everywhere. What am I talking about you ask? Only the Acme Little Giant Corn On The Cob Butter Dispenser.

That's right! This little gem would change the way butter was dispensed in our home forever. Oh, I know we had something similar already. But the "Mach One" model had a little flimsy handle, which you couldn't really use. Also, it would only hold about 2 tablespoons of butter. Hell, I eat more than that on a slice of toast! Well, maybe not, but I definitely need more than that for a couple of ears of corn.

So, with our new purchase in sack, we hit the streets in search of entertainment. Not a bad idea, but no. A bit early, even for us. No, what we had in mind was something a bit more touristy, slightly kitschy even. There was nothing else for it but this.

Right across the street. It was not only full of dolls, but also housed a large collection of miniatures. And we all know how I feel about miniatures. Much to my "chagrin", upon walking into the lobby of the Museum, we found it to be closed. Not just for the day or week, but permanently. Seems that they had a few remnants left to sell in their gift shop.

This disappointment was too much for us to bear. I was completely disenchanted with Mitchell now, and I felt it was my duty to move my family to safety immediately. Besides, my back was killing me, not to mention I wanted to get to Lewis and Clark State Park by lunch time. Yep, that's LeAnna and me on a bike built for two. (If you believe that, I have something to sell you.)

We ate our lunch while watching some anglers fish from the dock. They looked like pro's to me...not. But what do I know from fishing? Afterward we continued on to our overnight destination, Loves Travel Stop #309, located in beautiful downtown Aurora, Nebraska. *sniff sniff*...smell that? That's sarcasm. Aurora is not quite a one horse town. It'll have to work up to that.

Anyway, we had some fun in Aurora, by gum!
And I'll tell ya all about it....next time!

Sayonara

When you're wrong, you're wrong...and I was...mistaken. OK, I know I said I thought I could save our carpet, since it was only drenched with tap water, but NoooOOOooo, that would be too easy. The evening of "The Great Spill", I pulled up half the carpet and took it outside to dry. The next day I noticed it had a hellacious water stain on it. Not only that, it had an odor I can only describe as...horse. An unclean equine, a fragrant filly, a pungent pinto. I think you get the drift. (See what I did there?)

On top of that, it was evident that 5 years of traffic on 45 sq. ft. of carpet had taken it's toll on the pad. I decided this would be a great time for new carpet. (Yeah, I'm a genius that way!) Visions of a dark tan stain-resistant berber danced in my head. Alas, it was not to be. I was jerked back to reality by the lady in charge, who I lovingly refer to as "She That Must Be Obeyed". Anyway, she's been harping telling me for some time now how she'd love to have hardwood flooring in the house. I'd been resisting the change with every excuse I could think of. I mean, why cast out completely comfortable carpeting in order to fulfill a female flooring fancy. But she knew she had me cold. There was no getting around it this time. The carpet was ruined and had to come out. It was like coming home to find your favorite house slippers had been thoroughly chewed by the family hound and were on their way to the curb.

It had to happen sometime, I suppose. I bucked up and pulled out the remaining carpet. Together we cut it up into manageable pieces. I sneaked some looks at her from time to time out of the corner of my eye, watching for any sign of a smirk or the victory dance, but saw only an earnest expression. Man, she was gooood. After disposing of the carpet and pad, we situated the fan to blow across the swamp that was once our floor. A few hours later, it looked as though it was going to survive.

During our trip to Man Land, we found how expensive hardwood flooring is some very nice flooring. After a lot of whining and some shedding of tears, we both decided on an Oak finish. She helped me up off the floor and dried my eyes, saying something about a shoe sale at Payless as she dragged me towards the door. Somewhere, from deep within me, I heard a tiny voice screaming "NOOOOOOOOoooooo".

Tune in next time for "I Am Eaten By A Shark".



-Aloha-

I know most of you are foamin' at the mouth to get on with the exploits of Lucy & Ricky LeAnna & Mark, but I have to cut in here to give you this late breaking news story.

A tidal flood has hit parts of Texas...and yes, we were in it. Well that's not quite true...we were the cause of it.

As we had invited another couple over for lunch this week, we decided we would head out to the local extortionist grocery store to replenish the grub locker. Having spent every hour here at the campground since LeAnna started working, I was looking forward to this furlough, brief as it may be.

The store is only about 1 1/2 miles down the road, so we were only gone about an hour, at the most. Upon our arrival back at the ranch, we were greeted by the sound of running water...from the bottom of our coach. How much water, you ask? Here's a clue...

Keeping her head about her, LeAnna quickly ran inside the coach. I waited for a wall of water to wash her back into the parking area as she opened the door. Not seeing this event was a good sign. I really didn't understand what she was rushing inside for. After all, we had taken Pepper with us. I decided the best course of action might be to stem the flow of water at it's source. So I turned off the hose.

As I entered what I was sure was going to become the new local aquarium, I was surprised to see I was wrong, it wasn't an aquarium at all...it was a trout stream! Yep, it was our motorhome and A River Runs Through It.

"Of course, now I am too old to be much of a fisherman, and now of course I usually fish the big waters alone, although some friends think I shouldn't. Like many fly fishermen in western Montana where the summer days are almost Arctic in length, I often do not start fishing until the cool of the evening. Then in the Arctic half-light of the canyon, all existence fades to a being with my soul and memories and the sounds of the Big Blackfoot River and a four-count rhythm and the hope that a fish will rise. Eventually, all things merge into one, and a river runs through it. The river was cut by the world's great flood and runs over rocks from the basement of time. On some of those rocks are timeless raindrops. Under the rocks are the words, and some of the words are theirs. I am haunted by"...OH JUST SHUT UP!!!

This is my HOME we're talking about! I stood there shaking my head. Somewhere in the back of my mind I was trying to think of a way to turn this into my insurance & get some cash out of it. I sighed "The Deep Sigh" and started formulating a plan of attack. I decided to see if I could borrow a wet vac from the park manager. I probably haven't said anything about this yet, but he is deaf. He reads lips really well and his spoken words are really quite legible. However, I was in such a funk, I was probably mumbling when I asked for a wet vac, so our conversation went something like this:

Me: Do you have a wet vac?
Him: Yes, it's in the office.
Me: Great! Can I use it?
Him: No problem. There's no password.
Me: For what?
Him: The WiFi, there's no password on it.
Me: (mentally smacking myself in the forehead)No, a shop vac. (Now pantomiming running a sweeper).
Him: OH! A wet vac!
Me: Yeah.
Him: Yeah, I have one.
Me: Can I borrow it?
Him: No problem. (His favorite saying) My brother has it. I'll drive over and get it...right after I eat.

On the way back home, I came to realize how Charlie Brown must have felt when Lucy pulled the football away. All we could do was watch the water continue to drain away through various seams and joins in our coach. If only it had just drained away it wouldn't have been so bad, but it also spread. There was a 6" strip of carpet along the left couch that was still dry, but I knew that by the time help arrived, it, too would be consumed by the widening reservoir in what was once our living room.

While we waited for FEMA the shop vac to arrive, I decided to put this time to use by tracking down the culprit. I had a sneaking suspicion as to where to start. I knew the trip down here was on some of the bumpiest stretches of road we'd ever been on, this side of Arkansas. How bumpy, you ask? Well, maybe not that rough, but it was enough that it actually caused our DVR to lose some of the shows we had recorded on it's hard drive. With that knowledge in hand, I went to the most likely spot, the DC water pump connection. Opening up the service hatch under the cabinet, I donned scuba gear and went in. Submerging to the very limits of sport diving, there lay the culprit, big as...well big as a 1/2" pipe, really.



The high pressure plastic hose had slipped off the copper water line. I figure, this being the main feed into the house, it should have been putting around 6 gallon/minute. Let's just say, for arguments sake, that it had only been open for about 20 minutes, that's around 3.5 million 180 gallons of pure, fresh DESTRUCTION!!

I sucked all the water I could from the carpet, using the shop vac of course. Then I squished through the lounge and gave it a good sucking again, this time using a dead weasel. Just kidding...it was still alive. We surveyed the damages and, surprisingly, we got away fairly lucky. I had sealed all the wood that touched the floor with 2 coats of polyurethane when we built it, so there was no rising damp evident there. I pulled the carpet & pad in the affected area and hung the carpet over the fence. Since it was clean water, I think we'll be able to save the carpet, with some cleaning. Of course the pad is toast, but pad is cheap. I put the fan on the floor today and got the wood dried out. All in all, for the disaster it could have been, I think we dodged a bullet here.

So, we'll be Road Trippin' to Man Land tomorrow for some padding and etc. I think a couple of days drying time are in order to make sure everything is up to snuff before I recover it. Wouldn't want to get premature and end up with a mold or mildew problem.

So, give me a few days here, & we'll continue our saga...
Until then, Hasta la Winnebago...

Alright, as we last departed I promised skeletons and cars did I not? Well then, skeletons and cars you shall have! After our stint at the fabulous Wall truck stop, we continue east towards the happy little village of Mayberry Murdo. En route, we discover this little guy walking his dinosaur along the side of the road. It appears he & his pet have, alas, succumbed to the ravages of the Bush administration and are nothing but bones. Can you say "Dead man walking"?



Pulling into Murdo we are at once impressed with the sheer size of the town. Well, we were impressed with the size of the museum. OK, I was impressed that we didn't have to pay to park. The "World Famous Pioneer Auto Show" is normally $9.00 for adults. I know what you're thinking..."But Mark, how can you afford this and still stay on budget?" Oh ye of little faith. When we were trapped working at the Happy Holiday, we were given something called a "VIP Pass" which got us into various area attractions...FOR FREE! Although we were many miles from Rapid City, guess what? This was one of the attractions listed!! I KNOW! FREE!!

We spent the better part of 2 hours at the museum checking out the various cars, bikes, rocks and toys. Yep, this place isn't just a car museum, it's a dumping ground for all manner of junk. The lapidary collection wasn't bad, though. The further you got into the place, the more you could tell no great pains had been taken to display the items. By the time we made it to the very back, the cars were up on blocks with flat tires and a lot of them had seen their fair share of bird traffic, if you know what I mean. I got the feeling that some of the cars back here had been abandoned in their parking lot. There was a '73 Pinto, an Olds Cutlass...station wagon, and I even saw a Mustang II. All that was missing was some TP. (Get it, they're all turds...oh never mind.)

We depart the small burg of Murdo and continue our trek eastward, bound for Mitchell. While Mitchell is somewhat larger than Murdo, it still doesn't qualify as the big city. But it does have a couple of things going for it. One of which is that it has a Cabela's, where we stay the night. Not in the store...in the parking lot. This was the nicest parking area I think we've ever stayed in. It was a secluded lot around back just for RVers. It also had something I've never found at any other retail store parking lot...a dump station. I KNOW! We took showers that night and were able to empty our tanks there...FOR FREE!! Does it get any better? Not without some politician tryin' to tax it.

We kill the rest of the evening browsing the myriad of products, devices and displays offered in this temple of all things hunting and camping, then retire to our abode on wheels for a nice meal and some well deserved rest. I said Mitchell had a couple of things going for it. "What's the other?", you may well ask.

Well, I'll tell ya....next time.

C-YA!

OK, so now I was moving on the plan. Yessir, I was determined to do everything we could on this trip....as long as it was low budget. I know, right now you're saying "But Mark, how could that be any fun?" But let me tell ya something, can any of you say you've been to the worlds biggest ball of twine? Neither can we, we decided not to go...but thats not the point, we could have! Cawker City, Kansas was definitely within reach this trip.

No, instead we started closer to home, with something we had put off doing since we arrived in Rapid...the South Dakota Air and Space Museum! I know! How cool is that? And the best part? IT'S FREE!! It was only about 10 miles north of town and on the way out, so how could we not stop?



OK, OK settle down...take your seats. As we pulled into the parking Staging Area (that's Air Force talk), I laid eyes on a dozen or so of the biggest and fastest birds this country has ever flown in wartime...and about a 1/2 dozen other assorted turkeys. Don't get me wrong, I love a good Air Force Museum...Dayton, Ohio has one of the best. But this wasn't one of them. The planes I saw from the "Staging Area" were, in fact, 95% of what they had.

None-the-less, we walked the lot, kicked a few tires and then went inside to talk to a salesman check out the displays. We did get to see a realistic mock up of an ICBM (& if you do, clean it up! ewww!) silo. Also, I was able to get into the cockpit of a jet trainer.



If you click the image, you can witness my utter confusion of being at the controls. Now I understand why chimps look so confused during test flights. Come to think of it, I look like a confused chimp during a test flight.

Finishing our tour of the museum, it was time we head towards our first camp spot, boondocking in the Buffalo Gap National Grassland. For those of you unfamiliar, boondocking is the art of camping without hookups, or sometimes without the property owners permission, or sometimes illegally on public or private land. But, I digress. We actually were allowed by law to boondock in the grasslands, but we actually were not able to find a suitable spot, as all the access ways were extremely uneven and rutted. LeAnna has some aversion to dishes flying from cupboard to floor, so we came to a consensus that perhaps the wiser move was to go back to Wall, (the town, not the Pink Floyd thing), home of the famous Wall Drug, and park in a truck stop.

Having secured permission, (I said it was sometimes without the property owners permission), We proceeded to fix some much needed chow and catch a little tube before calling it a night.

What could possibly top this day? I'll tell ya...how 'bout walking skeletons & fun with cars!

Keep It Here!

Chao.

If there's one thing I've learned in life, it's that nothing worth doing is ever easy. Well, that & the clean underwear thing. (Thanks Mom!). And so it was with our latest foray into
The Undiscovered Country.



We knew right off we were bound for Yuma, Arizona. Yep, no doubt about it, Yuma. We have never been to AZ before & thought it was high time. Burning several midnight candles, I relentlessly attack the monumental task of finding our next work camping job. OK, so I looked on the Workamper web site, big deal. Still, I must of looked through tens of ads, maybe as many as 20! Little did we realize, though it seems like a "Duh" moment in hindsight, that most of the population living on wheels in this country were also trying to go to Arizona for the winter.

No matter. Undaunted, I carried on the search. I found 2, count 'em, 2 jobs in AZ that seemed suitable for our needs. After a lengthy discussion with the park owner, he assured me we had a job. All we had to do was fill out the paperwork & provide him with a copy of my drivers license, a credit card and my social security card...Not the numbers....copies of the documents.

I asked him why he needed copies, to wit he replied "In case you don't stay for the entire length of the contract, so I can charge you for your site." I was, needless to say, a bit puzzled by his reply. Again, I asked why he would need a copy of my social security card for this. At this point he instantly pulled the Jekyll & Hyde routine, screaming into the phone, "Why don't you want to give it to me? Are you one of those deadbeat dads? You don't pay your taxes or what?" At this point I decided to tell him to have a nice day. Actually I advised him to make travel plans for warmer regions.

Having fared so well with the first employment opportunity, I went for broke and contacted the second park. Long story short...guess who the owner of park #2 was? Yep. Lovely.

OK, so we had no job. No biggie. We have enough cash to just go down & pay for a spot for the winter. Or I should say we had enough. Enter a phase of life I refer to as Canis Interuptus, otherwise known as "my dog needs an operation".

This was a wonderful set of circumstances wherein our prized pooch purloined a princely portion of our pyramidal purse. In other words, the dog drained a dollop of dollars. But, ya gotta do what ya gotta do, and we did, to the tune of a thousand bucks. That's a funny tune. Always sounds better coming in than going out.


Arizona, the land of legends. Wyatt Earp, the Apache leader Cochise, and the famous Buffalo Soldiers all made history there. All I wanted to do was to go camping there, anywhere. Yuma and the like faded from our view screen. After our Cocker conniption, we realized we not only couldn't afford the camping, but it was starting to look iffy about affording the gas as well.



Texas! Yep, no doubt about it, Texas. We hadn't been back to TX since our first workcamping debacle 'er experience. Ah Texas, the land of...cows, I guess. Don't get me wrong, plenty of famous people have come from Texas. Sam Houston, Buddy Holly, and don't forget two Presidents named Bush...*ahem* errr...did I mention that Mary Kay was from Texas?

I'd plan a magnificent trip! A trip to end all trips! This would be the saga on the lips of the masses for years to come! Well, it would be the best trip we'd taken in over 18 months. I knew where we were starting & finishing, now all I had to do was come up with an unforgettable experience...on a budget *groan*. So, back to burning the midnight candle thing.

Stay Tuned.....

Labels: Arizona, Texas, Trip